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Many people wake up in a relationship that detracts from them and/or leaves them frustrated because they have things, like intelligence, that they’re blinded by that they use to override if not outright deny and obliterate real concerns in the relationship. What you place a high value on in others says a lot about what you value or even overvalue in yourself or what you want someone else to bolster you with.

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I also know an incredibly intelligent person (seriously high IQ), a gazillion degrees – shag all social skills, can’t hold down a relationship, zero common sense, pain in the arse and arrogant.

My children have four highly intelligent grandfathers who don’t do relationship or emotional smarts.

It’s equally important not to overvalue that same quality or characteristic in yourself and be blinded to other aspects of you or use it to compensate for real intimacy.

Being intelligent is about having the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.

You can require whatever the hell you want in a partner but you still have to do the due diligence through the discovery phase of dating and actually get to know the person and not just sit there and say “Well they’re intelligent/beautiful/well educated/black/blonde/tall/great in bed/love the same interests hence ipso facto they will be able to love me, give me a relationship, and share the same values”.

Many of us fall into the trap of giving ourselves too much credit.

If you place a high value on intelligence, you still need to be involved with an intelligent, available person that you can have mutually fulfilling copiloted relationship with.

Substitute ‘intelligence’ for whatever quality that you require and the computer will still spit out the same answer.

For a start (and bearing in mind that biology wasn’t one of my favourite subjects at the convent school), the parts of the brain that we use for being intelligent are not the same as what we use for our emotions.

It’s also easier when you are intelligent and very good in your field because you follow a path, there are specific skills, methodologies, theories, textbooks etc that you follow and generate results.

Intelligent partner doesn’t equal intelligent relationship doesn’t equal mutually fulfilling healthy copiloted relationship.

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